Bless this mess.
The Knicks, or as I grew up calling them for the most part, The Bricks, are a pitiful franchise. Things started to get okay, but at the same time, worse. In the mid 90s, they got a guy who basketball fans once affectionately called 'Grandmama' — Larry Johnson. I loved him at UNLV. I loved him at Charlotte. Then, he hurt his back. Big time. And the Hornets wanted absolutely nothing to do with him and his ailing back. So he was unloaded to NYC.
His contract actually had verbiage stating that if he were unable to play because of his pre-existing medical condition [his totally fucked up back] that the Bricks would have to continue to pay his exorbitant salary. That means, that if on day 1 of training camp, post physical, post everything signed sealed and delivered. If he were to slip on a puddle of sweat and land on his coccyx or just flat on his back [this shit happens everyday] and was unable to play due to reaggravating the prior injury, the Bricks would pay his bajillion dollar salary for the next century, each year paying more and more for a dead weight. I wish the Ameican public could get healthcare coverage like that. Well, that's basically what happened. The whole "My grandma moves better than Grandmama" thing got pretty old pretty quick. But what the fuck was I to do? They were my team.
And then the Ewing saga. Fifteen years this guy was on the squad. He was the heart and soul of the Bricks. The dude's nostrils were so all encompassing that he used those mini towels they have on the bench to pick his nose. I must stress: that is not hyperbole, the dude has some serious nostrils. I hated him. I hated his game. I hated his free throw hitch. I hated his hideous line of kicks. I hated his waay more than three step "move" that every playground kid referred to as "The Ewing" as they drove across the lane in mockery. I hated his knee pads. But I loved to hate him like I love to pick on my best friends. You do it because you have to, you're obligated to, but deep down you know you need them. Such was the relationship with Ewing. But the Ewing Theory. Oh the theory.
Popularized by ESPN Page 2 writer Bill Simmons, it basically states that a big name player for a team is on the team for years, but is actually part of the reason why the team cannot advance and then they are traded and the team immediately becomes better as if shedding a huge weight, literally. I wanted the Bricks to trade Ewing for so long. But they waited too long. He only had a year or two [I forget exactly] left on his contract. Like $20M or so. They could've played it out and he would've retired a 17-year veteran of the NBA who played admirably for a single team through the good times and the bad. I would've stood as his jersey was raised to the rafters the following opening day. But they traded him. Not only did they trade him, but they traded him and the reprecussions of that trade are being felt still today, seven years later.
The Trade involved twelve players on four teams. It left them with Aussie Luc Longley in the middle. A doofus who retired because of a foot injury and the Bricks paid his salary for many years as well.
It's been a salary nightmare ever since. Bloated contract after bloated contract. Allan Houston just retired, but the Bricks will be paying his salary for a few years to come too, why not!
Somewhere along the way they've amassed more useless undersized players, specifically guards, than a team could possibly use in the course of ten horrible seasons. And they just keep getting more. Their current roster consists of seven guards with their newest past-his-primer Steve Francis added to the mess yesterday. I laughed when I saw the headline. I wanted to post something, but I had to let it sink in first for a day. Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas think that these two will somehow coexist in the backcourt. Riiiight.
I look at their roster and see Jalen Rose, Stephon Marbury, Steve Francis, Quentin Richardson and I say, wow, that's not bad on paper. But then I remember that the year is 2006 and none of these players have been consistently effective in some time. And I sulk.
This post is becoming about as bloated as the Bricks' payroll. But good god, I'll stick through it all. I gotta. They're my team. On the bright side, they did get rid of the dead weight that Anfernee Hardaway has been for the past decade. But now we have The Franchise in town to buttheads with Starbury. This is going to get ugly quick. Francis is gonna need a shitload of those migrane pills; I'm not sure he knows what he's getting into, few do who enter the crosshairs of the NY sportswriters.
Fin
